My husband and I are go getters. We learned about kiddo’s abnormal labs on a Tuesday, and we were gluten free the following Monday after the biopsy. It hasn’t been easy, but it hasn’t been the end of the world. It’s doable. We learn more every day. My taste buds are actually adjusting. Four months ago, I HATED corn tortillas. Now I’ve actually enjoyed two different tacos on corn tortillas within the last week! I’ve made cookies and cakes within the last month that satisfy my sweet tooth and don’t scream GF. Hubs has continued perfecting his grilling and smoking.
But I miss real bread. I miss real donuts. I miss being able to run into a fast food restaurant and grab some nuggets for us. I miss real pasta. Did I mention that I miss real bread?
But you know what I don’t miss? My kid wearing the same shoes for two years because his feet didn’t grow. GI symptoms that in retrospect we can blame on celiac. That nagging whisper that something is wrong but not knowing what it is.
Our gastroenterologist asked us to follow up four months after the scope. I have been anxiously awaiting this appointment. Dreading it, if I am honest. The what ifs overwhelmed me. What if his tTG level doesn’t decrease? What if his other labs are still off? What if he doesn’t grow enough? What if what I’m doing isn’t good enough? What if I’m not a good enough mom?
Our gastroenterologist was actually happy with how much he’s grown. The blood draw went much better than the last one; he actually stopped crying with the needle in his arm this time. He’s getting braver.
And then today I saw his labs.
Did I just read that correctly??? Did his levels really drop that much in just four months????
I started crying immediately. All of this. Worth it. Confirmed in an instant that it’s working. It’s working.
My failure to thrive boy is thriving.
I never knew how much I could love someone until I became a mother. I love my husband, but it’s a different kind of love. It’s a choice I make daily and will continue to make daily until I die. I have every intention of driving him crazy until one of us leaves for Heaven. But I don’t have a choice about loving my son. It’s automatic. From the instant I knew he existed, I loved him. I have agonized and wept big heaving sobs over him. I have lost hours upon hours of sleep worrying about him. I would do anything short of selling my very soul to the devil to take this burden from him.
But that’s not an option for me. I can’t take this from him, so I can make sure that I do everything in my power to take care of him. To make sure his gluten free life tastes great. To educate others about celiac. To make his world a better place. He makes my world better by just being in it. I want to do the same for him.
As I posted on Facebook tonight, God is good regardless of his lab results, but for tonight I am going to rejoice in lower tTG levels, an extra inch in height, and a boy reaching for the stars.